How to Retire as a Disaster Necromancer (at Age 16)
Retirement at 16? For a disaster necromancer? That's a unique challenge, even by undead standards. Let's assume you've amassed a considerable fortune (and perhaps an army of loyal, if slightly decomposing, followers) and are ready to hang up your bone-collecting hat. The path to a peaceful retirement requires careful planning, and, let's be honest, some seriously creative problem-solving.
What are the challenges of retiring as a disaster necromancer at 16?
This is the BIG question. Unlike your average teenager dreaming of early retirement, you face unique hurdles:
- Legal ramifications: Necromancy, even the "disaster" variety, is generally frowned upon by authorities. Your past exploits could easily lead to unwanted attention from law enforcement (or perhaps even rival necromancers).
- Ethical considerations: While you might have a moral compass calibrated differently than most, retirement involves making amends for past actions. This could involve undoing some of the "disasters" you've wrought.
- Maintaining your undead workforce: An army of the undead requires upkeep, even in retirement. Leaving them unattended is not advisable, both for their well-being (or lack thereof) and the safety of the community.
- Financial management: Managing a fortune earned through, shall we say, unconventional means requires financial expertise. You'll likely need a savvy accountant (who's also comfortable with the undead).
- Social integration: Integrating back into society after a career of chaos and spectral summoning might prove challenging. Finding friends who understand your unique skillset could be difficult.
How do I maintain my undead workforce after retirement?
This is paramount. Simply abandoning them is not an option. You have a few choices:
- Finding a suitable successor: Training a new disaster necromancer to take over your undead army is a solution, although this requires careful vetting to avoid someone even more reckless than yourself.
- Negotiating a peaceful existence: Perhaps a deal can be struck with the local authorities. In exchange for certain services (pest control, perhaps?), the undead army could be allowed to exist under strict supervision.
- Securing a remote location: Establishing a hidden sanctuary away from prying eyes could provide a safe haven for your undead army. This would require significant resources and careful planning.
What kind of legal issues should I anticipate?
This is where having a very good lawyer comes into play. Expect potential charges for:
- Grave robbing: A key part of necromancy involves obtaining the necessary…materials.
- Destruction of property: "Disasters" often involve collateral damage.
- Endangering the public: Reanimated corpses tend to attract unwanted attention.
Proactive measures like establishing a solid alibi (difficult for a disaster necromancer, granted) and hiring a highly competent legal team are vital.
What about my financial future?
Diversify. Necromancy might be your passion, but you need secure, legitimate investments to ensure a comfortable retirement. Consider:
- Investing in legitimate businesses: Investing in businesses that are far removed from your chosen profession would provide a solid foundation.
- Establishing a trust: A trust fund can manage your assets and ensure a steady stream of income even after your (inevitable) demise.
- Secretly funding charities: This could help improve your public image and potentially offer some legal protection.
How do I transition back into society after a career as a disaster necromancer?
This will require serious effort.
- Adopting a new identity: Starting fresh, with a new name and occupation, will be beneficial.
- Therapy: It is important to address the psychological impact of your chosen career. A therapist specializing in the unusual (ideally one who's familiar with the undead) is crucial.
- Community service: Contributing to your community can help repair your public image.
Retirement for a disaster necromancer at 16 is no easy feat. It demands careful planning, a robust legal team, shrewd financial management, and a healthy dose of ingenuity. But with the right approach, even a 16-year-old master of the undead can enjoy a peaceful (if slightly unconventional) retirement. Remember, even necromancers deserve a break.
